What's going on?!?!?!?!?!

What is the purpose of life? What is happiness? Excuse me for being weird.. but there's a lot of things going on in my head that sometimes I think I'm really going crazy. Being a psychology student myself, I know the symptoms of severe depressions.. things such as not having appetitte, erratic sleeping pattern, suicidal thoughts (don't worry, its just thoughts and imagination, I'd never be thaaat stupid ;)) , and sometimes I tremble really badly when I thought about things that bothers me a lot. Is it just a really bad phase in my life or is it me? I am well aware that I'm depressed but to what extent I don't know (I have to get tested for that, and NO!! I'm not going to see a therapist or anything..). I guess I'm in denial about something.. one very good friend of mine told me that I'm in a period where I can't let go of the past and yet I'm not ready for the future either. I don't know.. right now I really long to be happy.. I can't even remember the last time I was happy.

I tried to think of the things that used to make me happy, but amazingly it doesn't brings the same effect as it used too. That's when I tried to look it the other way round.. what are the one thing that made me unhappy? And I thought to myself.. I'd be unhappy if the things that are important to me is unwell.. and in reality, everything seemed to be fine, my family are fine, my studies are fine, my friends are fine too. And so there's no more reason for me to be unhappy.. so then what's going on?? All I know is that I'm tired of feeling this way, it really sucks.. BIG TIME!!

Everybody told me the same thing "Don't worry Syl.. it'll pass.. you just have to be strong and u'll be fine". I guess they're right. I will be fine.. someday.. and hopefully that someday is not too far ahead.