Down came the rain.. out came the sun..

There's a thousand things that are floating around in my mind.. most of it based around the topic of relationships and love. I wanted to open up and try to write everything about it.. but somehow I can't. Its still too painful for me to go there.. It was like my heart was just being ripped to pieces over and over again.. and trying to touch the wound only reminds me of the pain and makes it hurts even more. Right now, I hate everything that are associated with love. I hate love songs that whenever I heard it, I move away.. I hate seeing couples walking hand in hand that whenever I saw it I turn my head the other way.. I'm just so disgusted by it that I can't get myself to face it. Sometimes I even think that I will never love again.. the risk was just too much to take and there's no way I'll ever go through this path.. ever again.

Is love really so powerful that it can change who you are? Somewhow I found that love has changed my personality, for as long as I can remember I thought I used to be this cheerful, bubly girl who never stops talking, someone who appreciates life and all the beauty of life.. Not only that.. Love (or I might say horrible break-up) also changes my preference of things, the things that I used to love became the things I hate the most. I don't like listening to jazz anymore, I use to loveeeeee jazz to death, I even hated the food I used to love (now thinking of eating them makes me sick to my stomach), worst of all, I hate myself for being so powerless. Maybe that's what falling in love does to people.. giving away your power to someone else that he became so powerful and he only needs to move one finger and your life was ruined the next second.. And all that was just because of one bad decision making, that was the decision to follow my heart and trust him.

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'It hurts real bad to know that all these time.. nothing was ever true.. and everything was a lie..'

Regardless everything that has happened, I hope that maybe one day I would find some courage deep inside my heart to forgive you.. For now, I have learnt my lesson, that was to realize that the only person who can make me happy is myself.. by putting one foot in front of the other each and every day, move forward with each little step and hope for a better tomorrow along the way.. because I know that I deserve it.

~ What goes around, comes around ~