Everything happens for a reason..
This is probably going to be the most honest and hardest post that I'll ever write. I can only hope that those of you who read it will not be offended or judgmental in any way.
As you might've realized from my previous blog, this year has been the hardest year of my life. The year where the dreams that I've been working so hard for was practically shattered. Just like how I always tell my friends, seems like I've been building my sandcastle for the past few years and just when my perfect sandcastle was close to be finished, the wave came in and washed it off the shore. I guess I'm in a period where I'm sitting there feeling shocked in disbelief. My friends told me that its okay to be shocked but I have to get up on my feet and start building my sandcastle again. This time I'd be better off because I've learnt from the past mistakes. As harsh as it may sound, I always told them that its easier said than done. A really good friend of mine said that I have all the necessary equipments to start building one again and all I need is the strength and will to move on.
I always thought that I have the strength. My families and my friends has been giving me more than what I expected, giving me strength and helping me going through this. But there seems to be one thing that is missing.
That was when I realized that I haven't been able to get myself to pray for months. I feel so angry for what everything that has happened. Being someone who always believed in God, I always believed that He will never put me in a test beyond my ability to endure. And this time, I fell so hard that I was not even hopeful about anything anymore. It seems like, the life I used to treasure has no more meaning.
But just like what I've always been told... everything happens for a reason.
I met with a couple of new friends, and we went to church by coincidence just a few days ago. I left having the mixed emotion in my heart. Amazingly, that night as I tuck myself to sleep.. I couldn't help myself from exploring the feelings that has been bottling up in me the whole day. Thoughts on the things that was said when I was in the church.. all the things that hit me real hard.. those things that was said at the right place and the right time. It almost felt like they know what happened to me. Then as I thought about all the things that was said, I decided to try to pray.. unexpectedly.. I manage to pray again.. Apologizing for everything that has happened, all the doubts and the pain, and feeling grateful for the second chance.
I hope those of you who are going through the same thing as I did will be able to learn from my experience. It doesn't matter how hard life is, think of it as going through a long and dark tunnel.. No matter how long and dark the tunnel is.. there's always going to be a light at the end of it.
The trick is to be aware of it.
* Dedicated to the friend who brought me there by coincidence. :)
As you might've realized from my previous blog, this year has been the hardest year of my life. The year where the dreams that I've been working so hard for was practically shattered. Just like how I always tell my friends, seems like I've been building my sandcastle for the past few years and just when my perfect sandcastle was close to be finished, the wave came in and washed it off the shore. I guess I'm in a period where I'm sitting there feeling shocked in disbelief. My friends told me that its okay to be shocked but I have to get up on my feet and start building my sandcastle again. This time I'd be better off because I've learnt from the past mistakes. As harsh as it may sound, I always told them that its easier said than done. A really good friend of mine said that I have all the necessary equipments to start building one again and all I need is the strength and will to move on.
I always thought that I have the strength. My families and my friends has been giving me more than what I expected, giving me strength and helping me going through this. But there seems to be one thing that is missing.
That was when I realized that I haven't been able to get myself to pray for months. I feel so angry for what everything that has happened. Being someone who always believed in God, I always believed that He will never put me in a test beyond my ability to endure. And this time, I fell so hard that I was not even hopeful about anything anymore. It seems like, the life I used to treasure has no more meaning.
But just like what I've always been told... everything happens for a reason.
I met with a couple of new friends, and we went to church by coincidence just a few days ago. I left having the mixed emotion in my heart. Amazingly, that night as I tuck myself to sleep.. I couldn't help myself from exploring the feelings that has been bottling up in me the whole day. Thoughts on the things that was said when I was in the church.. all the things that hit me real hard.. those things that was said at the right place and the right time. It almost felt like they know what happened to me. Then as I thought about all the things that was said, I decided to try to pray.. unexpectedly.. I manage to pray again.. Apologizing for everything that has happened, all the doubts and the pain, and feeling grateful for the second chance.
I hope those of you who are going through the same thing as I did will be able to learn from my experience. It doesn't matter how hard life is, think of it as going through a long and dark tunnel.. No matter how long and dark the tunnel is.. there's always going to be a light at the end of it.
The trick is to be aware of it.
* Dedicated to the friend who brought me there by coincidence. :)
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