Picking up the pieces
Me and my precious girlfriends were talking a lot about heartbreak lately (believe me when I say we have a fucked up love life). Well, we talked about heartbreak and one of us broke up just a while ago, eventually they work things out and they're back together now and she told me something that really hits me.
She said 'He had punched my heart. Not broke, punched. If it was broken, I'd still be upset now.'
And, it made me think. My heart was not just punched, it was broken. Thats why I am still upset, I am still heartbroken, its been months, which to me felt like forever. And although I have done everything in my power to be okay again, although I have done everything that I can possibly do that constitute getting over and moving on.. I am still hurt.
Its not going to be as easy because my heart was not just punched, it was broken. It was shattered into little pieces. That's why its harder and it takes longer to pick each piece up and put it back together. Especially when each piece are left in places that used to be sweet memories and now, the pieces are just cutting me up and making me bleed.
I looked back at the time when this all just happened, and it scares me. The pain was simply excruciating. The thought of not being able to wake up in the morning, and not being able to live my life ... is devastating. I told my girlfriends that I will never love anyone like I used to ever again. I will not give up my heart to someone completely again. My heart might be punched by some other bastard eventually, but I won't let it be broken and shattered into pieces ever again.
I will never forgive myself if I have to go though this one more time in future. I was lucky to be able to pass through this time alive, I don't think I'd be that lucky the second time around.
She said 'He had punched my heart. Not broke, punched. If it was broken, I'd still be upset now.'
And, it made me think. My heart was not just punched, it was broken. Thats why I am still upset, I am still heartbroken, its been months, which to me felt like forever. And although I have done everything in my power to be okay again, although I have done everything that I can possibly do that constitute getting over and moving on.. I am still hurt.
Its not going to be as easy because my heart was not just punched, it was broken. It was shattered into little pieces. That's why its harder and it takes longer to pick each piece up and put it back together. Especially when each piece are left in places that used to be sweet memories and now, the pieces are just cutting me up and making me bleed.
I looked back at the time when this all just happened, and it scares me. The pain was simply excruciating. The thought of not being able to wake up in the morning, and not being able to live my life ... is devastating. I told my girlfriends that I will never love anyone like I used to ever again. I will not give up my heart to someone completely again. My heart might be punched by some other bastard eventually, but I won't let it be broken and shattered into pieces ever again.
I will never forgive myself if I have to go though this one more time in future. I was lucky to be able to pass through this time alive, I don't think I'd be that lucky the second time around.
8 Comments:
Babe, don't ever think that you're battling alone cuz I'll be picking up those pieces with you no matter how long it takes. Be assured that the heart is stronger than you think - you will come out of this stronger because you are a survivor. We can't tell what the future holds for all of us but we've got each other, and for me that is mighty fine. We can get through this together so don't give up cuz I wont!
Syl, I've given up on saying that I will never love anyone else as much as...because the truth is, the heart is an amazing thing. You can punch it or break it, it will still mend, eventually. You need to love completely in order to receive complete love. Though I sometimes say that I'm not gonna fall over heels so that I don't get hurt, that's all just defensive talk. In the end, I still do.
girls, I'd like to think that the heart is stronger that i thought or that it is an amazing thing, but sometimes its the heart that pulls me down. when my mind knows exactly what to do that is to move on, my heart refuses and choose to stay in that spot.
Rin: its a bit daunting to open up again and let it be broken again. that's why i'm not ready for that yet. Can't handle anybody going near my heart, its just too damn risky.
*hugz* from dear shinta! i guess we all have to come to phase when we have to get 'hurt', but always try to stand up on our feets again... don't try too hard, but don't close your eyes of your heart... u can love again, sweetie.. i'm sure you will.. and that when you'll realize that that certain someone is really really for you... but it takes time... i know exactly how it feels... and i still bring it on to this day...
pretty sad, but i learn to ignore it.. but it doesn't really help... so... bare with it, baby! love you so muchhhh!!! miss you too!!!
btw, have u read my "indonesian" story? hiehieihe haihaihaiheiheihae... begok yah???
jiayou n be strong :) u'r not going thru that alone kok Syl :) i myself promised not to love someone completely again, but then i think how i'm gonna contribute in a relationship again...
jd utk saat ini, i think it's better to love someone completely, by stages :) if u know what i mean...
Ok syl... Stand firm on both of your feet, don't get dizzy and don't fall down, and repeat after me: "Enough with my heart being sad and pulling me down. No one else can make me happy, other than myself. I'll love myself more and I won't waste my time thinking and worrying about stuffs that I'm not supposed to. I'll fine something that can really make me happy, not just a "momentarily getaway thing". I'm gonna be a new me. I won't bother thinking about what happened to the previous me, or to the me nowadays. I'll close all that chapters and cherish it as "just a memory". I'll create a new me. The one that has more confidence in life and the one that love myself. It has to start from me and it will shine through me for people to see." Do all that!!!! Don't just say it!!!! I'll wait for the result. Hahaha... Ok syl... And if the thought of him ever comes up to your mind, tell him to "FUCKKK OFFFFF!" It will surely disappear... "EVIL BE GONE!!!
aaaarrggghhh!! bikin marah tau ga sih kalo mikirin tu orang.. hiksss.. sylvie aku jadi kyk gini.. take your time deh syl.. emang mustahil juga untuk bisa act like nothing happened. sekarang ini hidup untuk diri sendiri dulu ajah.. manjain diri.. aku yakin suatu saat kamu bakal ketemu orang yg lebih lebih pantes buat kamu.. paling engga bisa setia dehh! *sigh* love you syl! be strong..
iya mi. loyalty and honesty.
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