A fine line.

I wonder: When does life becomes so complicated?

Every little things used to easily makes you smile and feel thankful that you're alive.. often you even feel so lucky to have such a life...

.. suddenly.. nothing in this life can make you smile.. you can't even remember the last time when you felt really happy.. and you start missing the smile on your face that came from the happiness within yourself.

I guess there really is a fine line between simple and complicated.

Life is just so weird.

Anyway..

Happy Chinese New Year Everyone...
Gong Xi Fa Cai, Wan Shi Ru Yi, Nian Nian You Yu.
Have a great doggie year ahead...

Untitled

I was sitting in the dark, alone, in my room.. listening to the jazz music played on the radio. Suddenly I burst into tears.. I don't know how.. I don't know why.. it just happened.

Have you ever felt so alone even though you are surrounded by so many people? Have you ever felt so unhappy that nothing in this life seems to matter?

All I know is that I feel so lost. I don't know why I'm feeling all this confusing feeling that has been juggling up inside my heart and thoughts. I'm not supposed to be thinking about all this, its in the past and its over.

I was hurt so bad that I don't even know who I am anymore, don't know what to believe anymore. Still can't believe what had happened.. still can't believe that someone whom I trust with my heart would do such a thing.. and the hardest part was swearing at myself for still having all this feelings towards you when the right thing to do is hating you.

Despite all of that, I don't want to break down like I did before..

I wish I can just run away.. and escape my past.. But I know I can't..

So.. I'm just waiting.. waiting for life to turn around..

The Present Me

The past week was my first day of work, I'm now officially a preschool teacher and assistant psychologist in an international school somewhere in Kemang.

But so far, I'm quite enjoying it because the kids are so cute. I think throughout the day, smile was never off my face. Sometimes its the babytalk-words they try so hard to say, sometimes its something they do.. believe it or not.. when I'm changing their nappies, they can make me smile just by saying something very cute. Most of the kids I'm teaching are kiddies under 3 years of age. There are Indonesian, Caucasian and mixed kids (one parent Indonesian and the other one Caucasian). Its funny how those kids with blue eyes and blonde hair are speaking fluent Indonesian language.

Unfortunately there's one not-so-pleasant thing about my work, I have to travel a great distance everyday to get to and from the school. And lately, on my way to work, I was often lost in my own thoughts.. looking at the buildings around Kuningan, stressing about the traffic and public transport.. I just can't believe that I'm here in Jakarta, freshly graduants with a not-so-healed-state-of-emotion.

Somehow its like an out of body experience for me.. I've been wanting so bad to finish university and come back home, work with the kids and be with my best friends.. and right now everything is just like how I want it to be.

So why do I feel so unhappy.. it seems like something in my life is missing..

The Countdown

Just like what I've promised, this is one of the many pictures taken during the countdown. The party turns out to be a blast and it was totally fun with the whole family.

Ps: I spent 6 hours doing the decorations!! But it was worth it!!!!!

Happy Belated New Year Everyone.. May this year will bring happiness, joy and success for all of you.