What's going on?!?!?!?!?!

What is the purpose of life? What is happiness? Excuse me for being weird.. but there's a lot of things going on in my head that sometimes I think I'm really going crazy. Being a psychology student myself, I know the symptoms of severe depressions.. things such as not having appetitte, erratic sleeping pattern, suicidal thoughts (don't worry, its just thoughts and imagination, I'd never be thaaat stupid ;)) , and sometimes I tremble really badly when I thought about things that bothers me a lot. Is it just a really bad phase in my life or is it me? I am well aware that I'm depressed but to what extent I don't know (I have to get tested for that, and NO!! I'm not going to see a therapist or anything..). I guess I'm in denial about something.. one very good friend of mine told me that I'm in a period where I can't let go of the past and yet I'm not ready for the future either. I don't know.. right now I really long to be happy.. I can't even remember the last time I was happy.

I tried to think of the things that used to make me happy, but amazingly it doesn't brings the same effect as it used too. That's when I tried to look it the other way round.. what are the one thing that made me unhappy? And I thought to myself.. I'd be unhappy if the things that are important to me is unwell.. and in reality, everything seemed to be fine, my family are fine, my studies are fine, my friends are fine too. And so there's no more reason for me to be unhappy.. so then what's going on?? All I know is that I'm tired of feeling this way, it really sucks.. BIG TIME!!

Everybody told me the same thing "Don't worry Syl.. it'll pass.. you just have to be strong and u'll be fine". I guess they're right. I will be fine.. someday.. and hopefully that someday is not too far ahead.

Morning person??

Today, I have to wake up at 8 to attend my 9 o'clock class and I found myself dragging my lazy ass to the shower.. and somehow on my way to uni I manage to start functioning my brain and think to myself 'How the hell does people wake up soo early in the morning to get into their daily routine?' and suddenly I remembered that some of my good friends are actually 'that' kind of people - the morning person type.

When I was in high school, this very good friend of mine actually woke up at 4 am and do her own stuff before getting ready to school (school starts at 7:30), and apparently my house is located so much further from the school (took around 1 hour to get to school, which means I have to leave at least by 6:30) and her house was located somewhere in between my house and the school. Well, as you guys would've suspected, yes.. I woke up at around 6ish.. I opened my eyes, a quick glance at my alarm clock.. close my eyes again and the next second I was jumping out of my bed rushing to the bathroom, took a quick shower and on my way out.. grab my socks, shoes and breakfast .. and get into the car. . and that's how I usually have breakfast.. in the car. Because of that habit, I actually made my car .. my second room. I have combs, hair-roller, hair-pin, and a small pillow and bolster.

I know that waking up early somehow means that you have a longer day and there's alot more things can be done during the day.. but no matter how hard I tried.. I just couldn't. I've tried sleeping in early, in the hope of waking up earlier, and yet when I woke up I'm still feeling a bit frustrated and still wishing that I have a few more hours of sleep. Recently I start thinking, what happen then when I start working? Will I be feeling frustrated every morning? I think and I HOPE that this is just a matter of habit. HOPEFULLY, by the time I'm working I'd be responsible enough to wake up maybe 1-2 hour before, to be well prepared.. Hahahaha.. I wish..

My precious Ashley

Those of you who knew me pretty well, must've known Ashley as well. She's my 3 year old cute and adorable cross-bred Pomeranian Maltese. She's pretty, cute, adorable, cute, smart and cute (sounds like I'm obsessed with her!!!!!!). Ashley is my other sunshine in my life (apart from my youngest sister who can always come up with the funniest jokes when I'm feeling blue), which explains why I can never wait to go back home coz she's always there to make me feel happy. I bought her pink doggie shoes when I went back home last holiday and we took her for an afternoon walk. She's one lucky dog I can say, she slept with us in the bedroom, she have her own bed and bean bag and bolster, but she chose to sleep on the bed (as you can imagine, she's too spoilt that we just let her sleep on the bed).

When I'm back in Jakarta, I went out for a coffee late at night with few other girls to a nearby Gloria Jeans coffeeshop located in a sportsclub. The girls and I decided to bring Ashley along to the coffeeshop and so we did and that's Ashley's first 'ngafe' experience. Turns out, we weren't the only girls who's checking out on guys, Ashley did too. One of the girls took her for a walk around the club and after a while of calm and quiet walk, Ashley turn her direction and chase 3 teenage boys who's about to walk out of the club. We were all laughing and we had a fun night, I'm sure Ashley would agree on that as the minute she went home, she jumped right on bed and dozed of to la-la land. Well, I'll write more about Ashley in the near future.

Lessons learnt..

Just came back from 3 weeks holiday back in Jakarta. It was definitely a sad trip.. didn't get to meet any of my friends.. basically because I was sick during the first few weeks. As I said to my friends, I spent my time at home hibernating and reflecting. Although it wasn't a happy holiday, I did get to spent a lot of time with my sister and my dog. Hahaha (Now you know how desperate I am, imagining a lonely old lady who lives with her pet dog).

I can say the holiday was the worst one of all.. but since I'm back in Melbourne.. I started to think that I kind of miss being home too.. surrounded by the people you love. However, during the last day of my holiday in Jakarta, I'm still blessed to have the one day of happiness. I guess that's how life works.. months of sadness and only one day of happiness.. maybe the purpose is for us to better appreciate the one day of happiness after months of sadness.. It only took 1 day of happiness to change the frown upside down and change it into a smile.

Think of life as journey of a runner. When u're full of energy you ran.. when u're tired you walk.. and sometimes you even fall and feel the pain. Some of the runners choose to stand right up and start running again to win the race.. but other runners might choose to spend 1-2 minutes to stay down to adapt to the pain and wait for it to feel better before standing up and try to walk then run. Maybe that's how life is.. you fall and you rise up eventually.. some people choose to move on right away.. some try to feel it all before moving on. I guess I'm the kind of runner who choose to feel the pain before moving on. Which kind are you?

Heartbreak

What is the best way to cure heartbreak? Would it be as simple as telling yourself to hate that particular someone? Is there any truth to the old saying that says "Time heals all wounds"?

I guess all that would be the kind of questions that can never have any absolute or perfect answer.